Self Reflection

It is important to take the time to reflect on your own point of view and how this may impact on your decision making. Our own views and beliefs can blind us to different ways of thinking about what is considered “normal.” It is helpful to try and expand our understandings of the norms we might take for granted as truth when in fact it they can be driven by certain societal structures we have adopted at any given point in time. Some questions you might like to ask yourself

• Do my personal beliefs bias the way I think about gender stereotypes or how bodies should look? (for example, do you believe a male has to urinate standing in order to be a real boy/man?)
• Are the decisions I am making for the benefit of my child/tamaiti or are they for me? (for example, am I choosing a particular treatment as it will help me feel more comfortable? Feeling this way is natural, however, consider is it a reason enough to choose a treatment option?)
• Have I sought information from those with lived experience, especially young people so I can consider how my child/tamaiti might feel? Have I given myself permission to take the time to be expand my thinking and consider different points of view?
• Am I being norm critical? (i.e. challenging normative thinking.)

It is vital to allocate time to discuss these issues with your partner, trusted friends, family, health professionals and VSC advocates, so you can expand your thinking and recognise any bias.

Ask questions of your health professionals and if you are struggling to get answers to your questions, seek a second opinion. Contact a VSC support group like Intersex Aotearoa.

The more you reflect on and understand what is driving your decision making the more confident you will be about making a truly informed decision not clouded by personal bias or pressure of outdated societal norms. Identity changes over time and place.   

• Remember you are not alone.
• Talk to other parents
• Ask health professionals to link you to other parents and VSC support organisations, look online and do your own research.